A day in the life of me .

Some people may think that my life is ordinary and that my life is great especially those that walk past me in the street and probably think I wish I was here.where  as others probably think she lives in a small place or why is she buying that type of detergent. My life is not ordinary  and that’s not exactly great. I am one of those people who walk along the street and wish I was that person or I wonder why that person is buying that product. I am to summon up a 41-year-old person who lives with severe depression and anxiety and is struggling to live a life I would like to live. I am someone who has been off work for the last three months or more because of my depression and anxiety my job is working with people with learning disabilities as a carer. I have had severe depression and anxiety for over 20 years but it has got worse over the years and I can no longer hold my job and money it’s hard to come bye but I am lucky  that the government is giving me some money to help towards my living expenses as they have got evidence from my GP and my community psychiatric nurse that  I need help with my living expenses so that helps whilst I am unable to work.I  rely on family members to help me also with my expenses. I live in a studio apartment in a small village the same village my  mum and stepdad live in. I have a little dog and her name is Milly and she is 11 years old .My psychiatric nurse suggested I join  groups  and get out and meet more people but meeting people is the hardest thing for me to do as I have hardly any friends as I struggle because I am very shy person. Last year I joined the WI  as I’ve always wanted to join them and I’m finding that really good I have also started going to Pilates classes and on a Monday i go into town  to a coffee morning for people with mental health issues which I’ve only just started and that seems to be okay. I also forgot to say that I have dyslexia so I find it hard with my spelling and writing so that’s why I’m really pleased that I can blog on my iPad  as I can speak into it and it all writes it down for me so excuse me if things don’t read out right I’m sure you’ll get the jest. I was bullied all through my school years and my parents separated as my  mum went off with my dad‘s best friend who is now my stepdad but I am pleased to say that my dad found a wonderful wife for himself. I basically do not know from one day to the next when my depression and anxiety affects me as I can go 3 to 4 days feeling fine and sleeping fine and doing all my day-to-day things and then the next day I can be feeling rubbish. To the point where I do not sleep and eating is hard  to do. It can come over me like a wave one minute I can be sitting there watching TV and all is fine and then suddenly get this overwhelmed feeling and start to feel really anxious and not be able to eat and start  throwing up and not been able to sleep. I see my community psychiatric  nurse every two weeks to see how I’m going. I decided I will start a blog as I understand it can be good expressing your feelings and other people coming back to you with their lives and their understanding and support. I just remembered I forgot to say that I also suffer from epilepsy which I’m glad to say is under control. I have lost count of how many times I have tried to commit suicide and obviously God wants me on this planet and it’s not really for me.  My family find it really hard to understand how I feel and my mum uses the Toughlove strategy where she expects me to just get up go for a walk And do certain things which is very hard to do when you’re depressed and  anxious and  have had no sleep.
 I think I’ll leave it for that today as it is rather a lot for people to take in and for me to write and I think it’s time that I took my dog for a walk before getting my dinner I’ll be back when I can .